So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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