I'm gonna have a badass scar
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
vagina is talking i cant
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
