I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
