i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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