I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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