and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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