She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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