is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
this boner is exhausting
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
