You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
