i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
