When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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