from now on my penis is your penis
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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