every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
