it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
