uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
