Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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