I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
