we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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