I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
