We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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