Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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