Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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