I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
