its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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