im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
