Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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