You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
