He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
