so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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