do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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