I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize