i was born a porn star she said
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
