u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
