it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
