Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
