imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
