There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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