What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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