My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
