the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
