He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
