i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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