I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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