just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
