i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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