is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
