based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
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So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?