why didn't you poke me back
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.