What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
