At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?