I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI