if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
