he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
