I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize