Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
PANTIES FOUND
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
