I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
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I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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