I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
