I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
