I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
the liver wants what the liver wants
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
