so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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