You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
