Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
