I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize