My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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