You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
