So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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