go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
