She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
