Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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