i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
