Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
