I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
