dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
