you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
