On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
