I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
