I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
