Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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