P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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