and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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